In case you haven’t figured this out yet, I’m a gigantic pothead. Therefore, I was just as surprised as you when I got stoned and thought about the ‘Conspiracy’ behind the Legalization of Marijuana.
When I think of how excited I would’ve been in the 90’s if this leafy green marvel of excellence would’ve been legal someday, I would’ve lit the biggest Doobie in the world and flipped the bird to anyone that tried to stop me from smoking it.
I would’ve smoked on the 50yd line (Like on Dazed and Confused) during school hours! I would’ve lit up in the classroom! I would’ve blown it in the face of anyone that called this amazing God given plant (that grows in the ground, in nature) a fucking drug!!
I’m hiding from the smartass comments from people who wish to argue with me about this.“Well, cocaine comes from the earth, should we legalize that too?”
Yes, moron. Then after that, we can label your Pumpkin Spice latte as a drug as well. Yes, that’s right! Your $5.00 a day coffee bean habit is getting outta control. I think you need rehab!
My point being: Marijuana is just as much a “drug” as your overpriced, mediocre, trendy ass coffee. However, a cannabis plant will not force you to wear Ugg boots and walk around with a false sense of accomplishment. [Cough*futurecrackheadprostitute*cough]
I believe that if Trump took a few bong hits here and there, he’d probably become best buds with Juan and Felipe. He’d tear down that stupid ridiculous wall, replace his current immigrant wife with a spicy Latina legal citizen named Lola Montez (thanks Volbeat), start wearing a MAGA Sombrero, and change the National Anthem to ‘La Cucaracha’.
Did I mention how stupid I think that wall is? My father did some work with the DEA back in the 70’s, and he even said that if they would just replace alcohol with ganja, the only fights and wars would revolve around who gets the last Twinkie. So there, Trump.. put that in your golden toilet and smoke it! Go watch some Cheech and Chong movies, scarf down some Cheetos and Chill the FUCK Out!
So, on to my list of reasons why I am skeptical about the Legalization of Marijuana:
- It’s the FUCKING government. Do you understand what that means!? I don’t either.. and neither do they.. but it just can’t be good. It can’t. I’d rather smoke some “off the grid” Indica.
- Taxes. Read my lips, I don’t need any new fucking taxes. I smoka de ganja to relieve my tax depression. This means more money for the Fucking government.
- Homeless George. Now, how in the hell is the most awesome homeless guy in my neighborhood going to afford to pay ‘Streetwalker Shelia’ for her services, if everyone is going to be getting their weed on Medicaid.. from Walgreens and CVS? Doesn’t anyone think of Homeless George anymore? Assholes!
- Deadly Chemicals that make you addicted: Don’t be Stoopid. There’s GOTTA be some type of Pinky and the Brain scheme going on behind closed doors. I mean, c’mon! Everyone that smokes reefer knows how many millions of health benefits it has. Why on Earth would our government allow such a natural, easily grown herb, that has been known to cure numerous diseases, anywhere near this polluted, flouride and lithium infested earth? There’s an inside plot here somewhere. We just aren’t going to figure it out until something spectacular happens on social media. With less drooling idiots making noise in ‘Awakened’ land and focusing on which country Angelina Jolie’s newest adoptions are from, we’ll be able to get baked, and decipher the Da Vinci Code.. while listening to ‘Black Flag’ of course.
- What? You didn’t forget about the ‘forgetting’, did you? If you’re so high that you think I forgot about #5, you’re wrong! If half the population is zombiefied into their phone, half are in dreamland with The Beatles somewhere in a Yellow Submarine, half are behind bars with no outside communication, and half are hopped up on FDA approved pain prescriptions.. Then, that means that 4 halves of the world are going to be blindsided when big brother finally figures out the Krabby Patty formula.. It also means that I’m really going to need to brush up on my math skills and get my head outta my ass.