I wasn’t really sure what I was going to make this blog about, so I chose everything. I’m actually out of cigarettes and that’s the only reason why this is seemingly easy. So, I guess I found that number one of the 5 easiest ways to quit smoking is:
- Be completely out of cigarettes. It also counts if you’re broke, your car isn’t starting, you hate the cold, or you’re just too lazy. If it’s for a good cause, such as not smoking, embrace it.
- Make sure that the only cigarettes in the house are the nasty butts of your boyfriend’s disgusting brand. Those are bad enough to chase a demon away.
- Blow the dust off one of the millions of disposable e-cigs you have laying around from the last time you decided to quit. (Shut up, we know you have at least one). On that note, you might as well break out the expensive, fancy one that you spent half of your paycheck on. Don’t worry about finding the charger, you’ve already been using it for your phone. Charge that puppy up and blow some mega clouds.
- So, while we’re admitting stuff, go to the junk drawer and grab those 5-6 pieces of Nicorette gum that you swore you’d start chewing last year. Ok, maybe you don’t have gum, but I’m sure you at least have a losenge or two. I’m willing to bet that there’s about 10 nicotine patches around here somewhere. Let’s take a nap and have some extremely strange, vivid dreams! Fun!
- Quit kidding yourself. If you were actually going to quit smoking, you would’ve done it a long time ago and you wouldn’t wait until New Year’s Day to put yourself through Hell.
- There’s not supposed to be 6, but please don’t get Chantix. I’ve heard horrible things about it and you’ll probably just be better off smoking.
- Shut up, I know it’s more than 5, I can count! Well, sorta. Smoking weed is actually pretty good to get your mind off of the stupid cancer sticks. Damn, why didn’t I think of it sooner? Number 1. Smoke a big fat Doobie, that’s all. End of list. Damn, I’m hungry. That’s probably why people gain weight when they quit smoking. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m always stoned.. but now I have an excuse. 😋
Happy New Year, fellow headtrips!